At age 59 Virginia Woolf filled her coat pockets with stones and walked in to the river near her home. The following is what she wrote in her final note to her husband.
“I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”
Hey Jenny Jen Jen… how have you been?
Hi There Gabriel,
Thank you for asking. I have actually been very stable with the exception of a depressive dip once in a while. I as you probably noticed, I haven’t been writing lately. I probably should blog about the good streches, too, to give hope to others. Yes, it is actually possible to feel “normal” taking medication consistently. What about you? I will pop on over to your site to check up on you.
You scared the crap out of me with the Virginia Wolfe stuff… congratulations on the stretch of normalcy, I had the same dilemma not too long ago. It feels weird writing about manic depression and mental health issues now that I don’t feel those things, or those ways, anymore. I’ve kind of changed the focus of Salted to include more about the day-to-day living me.
I’ll keep you in my blogroll, and if you start up again please let me know. Thanks for letting me know you didn’t fill your pockets with rocks…
Hi Gabriel,
I was in your beautiful country last week (Vancouver). It’s only a three hour drive from Seattle where I live.
It is so true what you say about needing to write during the good streches, too. I think I will write a positive/hopeful blog now.