Seroquel-a straight jacket in a bottle October 17, 2008

(Thank you Bipolar Chick for the humor of the title above.)

 I feel the best I have felt in a long, long time.  This morning I went to my yoga class despite feeling extremely lazy and not wanting to go.  But I pulled myself to the gym and as always, I am so glad I did.  Nothing beats those endorphins.

About two weeks ago I was having trouble sleeping again.  From off the top shelf of the medicine cabinet I once again recruited my old friend, Seroquel.  Typically the first two nights I start taking it again after not having taken it for some time, I can hardly open my eyes in the morning.  I am so groggy.  Once I litterally fell asleep on the sofa 30 minutes after taking it while Humberto was talking to me.  I noticed that I have trouble keeping my balance sometimes.  The worst side-effect I experience, however, is a super-dry mouth.  This can’t be good for ones teeth.  Dr. Paddison mentioned the first visit I ever had with her that she was pleased that my general doctor had good the sense to prescribe the bipolar medication as basic maintenance.  I suppose this was as opposed to nothing or just the anti-depressants.  For so long my major complaint when I would see any doctor was fatigue.  I was so tired most of the time and like clock work I would get so sleepy around 4 in the afternoon that I would have to find somewhere to sleep even if it was just for ten minutes.  Dr. Paddison, however, seemed hesitant to keep me on the Seroquel for long-term maintenance.  I discovered later that it has been linked to causing diabetes in some patients.  Great!  My own mother just two years ago developed Type II.

Helicopters and Hay December 1, 2007

Timothy hay that is.

Every morning I am the first to stir.  Without fail our children’s guinea pigs begin to squeal in excitement.  Weeeeek, weeeeek, weeeeek, weeeek in unison they cry.  They know it is I.  Like Pavlov’s dog they also know that if they make enough noise I will reward them with their breakfast, big fists full of hay that we keep in a large Rubber Maid container on the back porch. (I wonder how Pavlov’s cat would have reacted?)

Sometimes I am completely at a loss for something to write about.  This morning (3:35 to be precise) I am not having that problem.  In fact, my mind is racing.  I woke up to the loud sound of a low flying helicopter that apparently went right over our house.  Most likely it was someone being medevaced (I think that is an interesting word) to the hospital half a mile away.  

Generally once I finally get to sleep I will sleep without being bothered by sounds.  Most likely I was right at the end of a REM when one is most likely to wake up.   I went to bed at 11, so I woke after only 4-1/2 hours of sleep.  Interestingly enough,

“Studies show that the length of sleep is not what causes us to be refreshed upon waking. The key factor is the number of complete sleep cycles we enjoy. Each sleep cycle contains five distinct phases, which exhibit different brain- wave patterns. For our purposes, it suffices to say that one sleep cycle lasts an average of 90 minutes: 65 minutes of normal, or non-REM (rapid eye movement), sleep; 20 minutes of REM sleep (in which we dream); and a final 5 minutes of non-REM sleep. The REM sleep phases are shorter during earlier cycles (less than 20 minutes) and longer during later ones (more than 20 minutes). If we were to sleep completely naturally, with no alarm clocks or other sleep disturbances, we would wake up, on the average, after a multiple of 90 minutes–for example, after 4 1/2 hours, 6 hours, 7 1/2 hours, or 9 hours, but not after 7 or 8 hours, which are not multiples of 90 minutes. In the period between cycles we are not actually sleeping: it is a sort of twilight zone from which, if we are not disturbed (by light, cold, a full bladder, noise), we move into another 90-minute cycle. A person who sleeps only four cycles (6 hours) will feel more rested than someone who has slept for 8 to 10 hours but who has not been allowed to complete any one cycle because of being awakened before it was completed.”

So since I couldn’t sleep anyway . . .  I thought I would sit down and capture some of my many thoughts for future posts.  As a bipolar person it seems as though I am more at the mercy of the cycles our species has evolved with:  Circadian rhythms, menstrual cycles, and the gravitational pull of the moon during different times of the month to name a few.  A nurse in the obstetrics department at the hospital and an E.R. nurse, independent of one another, both mentioned that there seemed to be more births and more accidents when the moon was full.   Have you ever wondered why we call a crazy person a “lunatic”?  Luna in Latin means moon.

A Ghost In My House? November 16, 2007

Six years ago I was hospitalized for an entire month.  My daughter, who is now six and thriving, was born ten weeks prematurely.  The placenta had started to pull away which induced me into aggressive contractions at 26 weeks gestation.  The doctors delayed the inevitable for as long as possible by hooking me up to an I.V. drip and basically not letting me move for four weeks.    I came home without her three days after they took her abruptly one morning in the operating room.  They say she was born in 6 minutes, but I don’t remember any of it.   It was in those first nights at home in my own bed that I couldn’t sleep.  I was extremely agitated around 4:00 AM so I got up to go to the sofa in the living room.  As I was drifting off to sleep finally I suddenly felt as though I was being rapidly sucked in to the wall which I was facing.  It was like a black hole.  I guess I screamed or something because my husband came running.  I was afraid to approach the wall or venture to the other side of the wall, which was the laundry room.  My husband had to do the laundry for a couple of days.  I was convinced that I had a spirit of some sort in my house.   For the first time in my life I thought I was going crazy.  I planted St. Benedict medals at every corner of my house which I prayed would exorcise any evil.  After suggesting several times to whatever “it” was to join the other spirits I finally got it to go away.

Years later, I think I finally understand what actually happened to me.   I was given a clue when I went for my usual dental check up.  I was so exhausted from sleep deprivation (insomnia is a common symptom of depression as it turns out) that I started to fall asleep right in the dentist’s chair!  My entire body suddenly jerked so hard that I startled the very nice hygienist, who thought that she had hurt me.  I, on the other hand, thought that I was falling.  We just stared at each other wide-eyed for a few very awkward seconds.  Understanding that this was less than normal I started to look in to the matter.  What I came up with is that what I experience almost every night (according to my husband), is hypnic jerk associated with hypnagogia.   It seems as though it is indirectly related with the neurotransmitters ephenephrin and norephenephrin.

 

I Don’t Miss October 14, 2007

Things I don’t miss about manic depression since going on medication:

Being irritable most of the time.  The restlessness.  The headaches. The anxiety.  Feeling like I am constantly overwhelmed (Isn’t this just what being a parent means?). Over analyzing everything.  Distorted thoughts.  Irrational logic.  Being unable to work efficiently because I’m having trouble concentrating.  Looping or thinking the same thought over and over again.  Feeling exhausted.  Being unable to sleep well on a regular schedule either because of insomnia or because I wake up too early and can’t get back to sleep.    The  bleak attitude about myself and my circumstances.    Lack of enthusiasm for anything.  The nagging unhappiness.  The crying spells.  The suicidal thoughts.

Annoying side effects of the medicine:

1)  A dry mouth, which I counteract by drinking more water and chewing gum with xylitol.  (I never used to chew gum because I felt like a cow.) A dental hygenist recomended this to me when I participated in a study at the University of Washington.  2) Having trouble with my word choice and occasionally stuttering while my thoughts catch up with one another.  Saying things like, “Don’t forget to put the milk back in the cabinet.”  Very vivid dreams on occasion.  (This is only a problem when the dreams are nightmares.)   

As you can see, in my case the pros are much greater than the cons.